WHAT IS YOUR M.I.N.D PROFILE?

WHAT IS YOUR M.I.N.D PROFILE?

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Genes may be responsible for the cards you are dealt; experiences determine how you will play the game and choices determine the effect it will have on all the games that lie ahead in your life.

Each of us have different dreams and desires in life.  We try our best to follow the path we were meant to.  However, there will always be things which happen in our lives – good or bad – which shape our lives and the path we choose to walk.  The impact of the things which shape our lives can sometimes be so severe that it alters our beliefs, our original goals, the path we choose to follow and our typical view of the world. The things that happen to you, especially at a young age, can shape your M.I.N.D. Profile.  It is, however, important to remember that whatever happens to us is greatly influenced by our perception thereof.   We can sometimes change the way negative experiences try to shape our lives, simply by changing the way we look at them.

One of the biggest debates in Psychology has always been whether nature or nurture plays the biggest role in who you become.  The human psyche is very complex and accordingly, determining who you are requires you to not only take into account the personality you were born with (Nature) but also the things that happened to you during the course of your life, especially during your childhood years (Nurture).  We need to understand our own psyche in order for us to know how to deal with life and ultimately to enable ourselves to reach our goals. The things that happened to us while we were growing up and during the course of our lives provide us with a type of filter through which we view and perceive the world around us.  The things that happened to us can determine the way we deal with emotions and how we view ourselves.

The M.I.N.D profile categories are not aimed at putting you in a box but are rather aimed at helping people take a look at the box within which they sometimes put themselves or the box the world tries to put us in, which we might need to get out of.

The Types into which I categorise people should not be seen as personality types.  They are rather a way of living which you have adapted to (learned behaviour) or a kind of survival mechanism you have created for yourself.   The only one of these Types one should aim to become is the Mature Type.

The M.I.N.D Profiles are based on attachment theory.  Despite the fact that many of us do not recall much of our early attachment experiences, it still has the ability to influence all our future relationships. The attachment system in human beings plays an important role in what it means to be human.  The things which can impact this important part of our lives include, but are not limited to the following situations:

 

• How were you comforted as a child?
• How was conflict dealt with in your household?
• Were you listened to as you were growing up and were your feelings acknowledged?
• Did you experience healthy instances of relief?
• Did you have an emotional connection with your parents?
• In which way do you recall these experiences?
• Were you afforded a fair opportunity to just be a child?

 

These types can enable you to take a closer look at where some of your negative programming comes from.

The greatest leaders of all time all have one important thing in common.  They all had a method and framework for understanding and even appreciating the obstacles, challenges and adversity they had to endure.

Determining your M.I.N.D Profile can motivate you to face and dismantle your obstacles and to create a new way of looking at them. It is not aimed at convincing your that your circumstances or challenges are not so bad, but rather about asking yourself “How can this be good?”  It is about embracing the fact that you are strong enough to find the good amongst the bad.

 

The concept of your M.I.N.D Profile is not just fascinating to learn more about, it can also assist you in understanding yourself and others a little bit better. Remember, that your M.I.N.D profile is simply a tool that can be used to understand some of your negative programming a little bit better.  Your M.I.N.D Profile is not always the sole reason for all your feelings, challenges or behaviour. Despite the fact that your M.I.N.D Profile can to a great extent explain many of your behaviour patterns, especially those related to your intimate relationships, you still need to interpret it with care. Some of the pitfalls you should avoid when trying to discover your M.I.N.D profile is to refrain from overestimating your issues, blaming others (e.g. parents), only seeing things in black and white, labelling yourself/others or disregarding other factors which might influence your behaviour or contribute to your sense of self.

 

THE MATURE TYPE

The word Mature is allocated to this type for a reason.  They are not necessarily without fault.  They do, however, live a healthy, balanced life as far as possible in all areas of their life.  They are mature in their thinking and tend to make use of mature emotional intelligence skills.  They have also endured challenges in life but chose to be noble and build their future relationships in a healthy manner.

The Mature refers to a positive Type and is the one we should all strive to uphold.  This Type allows you to give because you have received.  Despite not receiving much or having had to endure challenging times, cultivating a positive and thankful attitude can help you adapt to the good qualities of the Mature Type.  The Mature Type derives from an environment where a child grew up learning how to regulate their emotions, and display self-control, and had received the necessary comfort, encouragement and emotional development.

The Mature Type tend to value relationships.  They have no problem with identifying memories and feelings which they experienced while growing up.  They tend to be honest about their feelings and do not explain their feelings and memories in a defensive manner.  The Mature Type does not experience anxiety due to the unavailability of people in their life. They grew up knowing that someone would be there when they needed them as it was displayed in their home environment while growing up.

 

Typical things the Mature Type will say:

• “I know when I can or cannot trust someone”
• “I know when I can rely on someone and allow myself to be vulnerable”
• “I am able to be comforted when I am distressed”
• “I am comfortable with the emotions of others”
• “I am comfortable with my own emotions and the emotions of others”

 

THE INSECURE TYPE

A main characteristic of Insecure Type people is the fact that they are very good at trying to please others.  They easily find the magic in others but struggle to find it within themselves.  They will sometimes invade the lives of others in order to please them and ultimately to keep them close.

People often refer to these people as being “too nice”.  They are good at meeting the expectations of others but struggle with meeting their own.  They are very committed to others, which will cause them to sometimes neglect themselves in the process.  They are also the kind of people who tend to struggle with commitments or resolutions, such as exercising every day or going on a diet.  When this commitment is only made towards themselves, they often fail at keeping it.  They can, however, more easily meet expectations when they have a commitment to an external party, e.g. promising a friend that they would exercise with them every day.  When this is the case, they will also be able to exercise every day, not due to the commitment they have towards themselves, but rather their commitment towards someone else.  In many cases, when their exercise buddy moves away or just stops exercising, they will stop as well because they no longer have to comply with a commitment towards someone else.

These individuals tend to also struggle with their self-confidence.  Their view of themselves is almost completely based on other people’s opinions of them.  What others think of them matters most. They are also more prone to believing the negative things about themselves, rather than the positive things. They will fear the end of a relationship even before it begins.  They experience various emotional “highs” and “lows”.  When they enter a room, they immediately make assumptions, many of which include thinking that other people do not like them. These individuals also easily resort to anger.

 

Popular vocabulary among the “Insecure” type includes:

• “I can’t”;
• “I am too old for this”;
• “I don’t deserve it”;
• “I’ve been hurt too much”;
• “I am not good enough”;
• “It will not work”;
• “I’m often wondering whether a person really cares about me”;
• “I don’t always trust the positive opinions and compliments others give me”;
• “I don’t easily believe that others like me”;
• “I struggle to calm myself down after a confrontation”;
• “I tend to dwell on a confrontation long after it has ended”;
• “I cannot let go of/keep dwelling on mistakes I have made”;
• “I never know if I am good enough”

 

THE NARROW TYPE

The Narrow Type have been given this name because they tend to avoid close relationships/intimacy or sharing emotions and feelings with others, and seeing life in a certain narrow way. This in turn creates a form of disconnection which causes them to come across as disconnected or often as being narrow-minded.

In a relationship with the Narrow Type there will be instances where they might say things like:

• “I have to do everything myself”
• “She/he only loves me for my money/skills/connections”
• “I can’t rely on anyone else”
• “It is a waste of time to talk about feelings”
• “I can only rely on myself”

The Narrow Type are reluctant to trust and rely on others and tend to have a fear of intimacy.  They can be very suspicious of the intentions of others.   They sometimes struggle to realise that comfort and connection in relationships are necessary and that they need to give and accept this from others. They are mainly driven by the fact that they try and avoid intimacy because they do not want to feel vulnerable and have any emotional obligations. Even when these individuals find themselves in an intimate relationship, they seem to struggle with letting go of the fact that they prefer their independence above committing to someone.  They have a continuous desire for physical and emotional freedom.

The Narrow Type are good at meeting their own needs but struggle with meeting the expectations of others.  They can be dedicated towards external factors such as completing a task or maintaining a high standard of job performance, but this will sometimes reflect as a commitment to themselves rather than an external expectation.

Their solution for dealing with life is usually to always be self-sufficient.

 

Things that the Narrow Type often say:

• “If I just go away things will change”
• “I need to look the other way and just go on”
• “I am not sure who I am but there is nothing wrong with me”
• “Everything can be fixed by working hard”
• “I am used to getting hurt, it doesn’t bother me anymore”
• “I prefer not to spend too much time with friends or family”

• “One day things will work out”
• “I don’t remember much about the past and it doesn’t matter”
• “I don’t like talking about my feelings”
• “I never mind being alone”
• “If I want it to be right, only I can do it”
• “I don’t like going out, there’s too many people”

 

THE DISRUPTED TYPE

This type was named the Disrupted Type for having endured more challenges and adversity than any other Type. This Type comprises two variables (Victim Disrupted Type/Controller Disrupted Type) which will be discussed later.  The Disrupted Type come across as having elements of various Types merged into one.  This in turn contributes to their ability to act destructively toward themselves or others. The word Disrupted is also aimed at symbolising the different conflicting internal emotions and thoughts they continuously struggle to deal with and that are evermore present in their lives.

The Disrupted Type can easily be characterised by their conflicting desires, and their display of a wide range of problematic symptoms.  The Disrupted Type was created owing to a significantly traumatic childhood.  These individuals most likely suffered severe neglect or parental hostility.  Some of them were also exposed to sexual, physical or emotional abuse.  Most individuals who represent this Type have not yet come to terms with their abuse or neglect, and tend to display various negative behaviour patterns, such as substance abuse or self-harm.

The Disrupted Type do not readily comply with either inner or outer expectations. The Controller Disrupted Types can easily and blatantly ignore all expectations, whereas the Victim Disrupted Types will   try to comply with outer expectations in certain instances.

 

TYPICAL THINGS THE DISRUPTED TYPE WILL SAY:

 

• “Something is wrong with me”
• “I am not happy with who I am”
• “There is not much that matters to me”
• “No-one will ever understand me or want to be with me”
• “I am constantly scared that something bad might happen”.
• “No-one loves me”
• “I don’t know who I am”
• “I don’t care about myself”
• “I am not happy”
• “Life never gets better”
• “Nothing excites me”
• “I don’t feel much”

 

To learn more about the M.I.N.D Profiles, get a copy of the book:  YOUR M.I.N.D PROFILE, What Shakes You, Can Shape You.  Visit www.mindsetmotivation.co.za